I thought I posted this forever ago but I guess it never published.
Hello, I'm Hannah and I'm addicted to candy.
I'm actually very proud of the candy wrappers I've collected. We eat candy during Journalism... that's what we do. & occasionally we write stories for our local newspaper but mostly we eat candy. I remember when it used to be just an empty drawer until an exciting day in September when it acquired it's first 7 candy wrappers... but for reals junk food is the main component of my diet. Yes... I know it's not healthy but I will admit I've improved some since last year.
I'm going to get real with you I was on the verge of anorexia. My best friend is pretty skinny and she eats mostly junk food. So one day I thought I'd give it a try. I'd eat pretty much what she ate to see if her diet had anything to do with her size. (The key is quantity don't over do it.) Soon I was hardly hungry and when I was I craved sugar. I started loosing weight. I was 5'8 and 156 pounds and before I knew it I was 145. I got addicted to shedding pounds. So, I cut my diet even more. I started telling myself that I was weak. If I could go a whole day without any food... then I'd be strong. I never made it... the reasonable part of my mind always talked me into at least one thing a day as long as it was small. I got down to 135. I told myself I'd stop once I got to 126... I just wanted to see what it felt like. So I got on this 5 day diet. I told my parents it was for my bones... to make them stronger. I made it for 3 days but then someone made banana pudding and I couldn't help myself. Even so I still managed to get to 134. A few people started noticing that they never saw me eat. & my mom of all people compared me to a skeleton. I kind of blew it off. The healthy weight for my height is 143 pounds and I was only like 8 below that...I don't really know what happened after that I guess I just realized that starving myself wasn't the answer. I was skinny enough. However, I still haven't managed to kick the habit completely. & honestly I still don't really want to. Over the summer I gained five pounds and now I just want to be 135 again. Sometimes I catch myself beating me up mentally if I eat lunch..but I'm definitely not as intense as I used to be. Growing up I was always the chubby, fat girl. It wasn't really people that criticized me but my family. I don't think they did it intentionally but it still hurt. I was ostracized by the people that were supposed to love and care for me and I guess that was bound to cause some psychological problems eventually...
I wasn't intending for this to be so serious I didn't mean to confess all that... just my childish way of eating but maybe if you went or are going through the same problems as I did it will help you to know that at least you're not alone. It seems that most girls these days go through some sort of an eating disorder. It's not right. I read something once that really made me rethink the world's idea of beauty it said something like, "It's considered grotesque and abusive if you see the bones of an animal but beautiful if you see the bones of a woman." In today's society you're not pretty unless you're a stick. It's sad but it pretty well hits the mark. I think it's about time for that to change. Beauty isn't measured by the size of your waist or the number on the scale but the smile on your face and the love in your heart. There is no such thing as ugly in the way of the face... EVERY girl is beautiful in their own way. You can however have an ugly attitude or spirit which is what's unattractive in a woman. & maybe it's a bit hypocritical for me to say all that because I'm still struggling with it myself... but for future generations- Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're fat or ugly because you're not a size 3. Beauty isn't in the waist but in the face. And I do strongly believe this- "Imperfections are beautiful"
