Confessions of a Teenage Sugar Addict

  I thought I posted this forever ago but I guess it never published.

 

Hello, I'm Hannah and I'm addicted to candy. 

I'm actually very proud of the candy wrappers I've collected. We eat candy during Journalism... that's what we do. & occasionally we write stories for our local newspaper but mostly we eat candy. I remember when it used to be just an empty drawer until an exciting day in September when it acquired it's first 7 candy wrappers... but for reals junk food is the main component of my diet. Yes... I know it's not healthy but I will admit I've improved some since last year.

I'm going to get real with you I was on the verge of anorexia. My best friend is pretty skinny and she eats mostly junk food. So one day I thought I'd give it a try. I'd eat pretty much what she ate to see if her diet had anything to do with her size. (The key is quantity don't over do it.) Soon I was hardly hungry and when I was I craved sugar. I started loosing weight. I was 5'8 and 156 pounds and before I knew it I was 145. I got addicted to shedding pounds. So, I cut my diet even more. I started telling myself that I was weak. If I could go a whole day without any food... then I'd be strong. I never made it... the reasonable part of my mind always talked me into at least one thing a day as long as it was small. I got down to 135. I told myself I'd stop once I got to 126... I just wanted to see what it felt like. So I got on this 5 day diet. I told my parents it was for my bones... to make them stronger. I made it for 3 days but then someone made banana pudding and I couldn't help myself. Even so I still managed to get to 134. A few people started noticing that they never saw me eat. & my mom of all people compared me to a skeleton. I kind of blew it off. The healthy weight for my height is 143 pounds and I was only like 8 below that...I don't really know what happened after that I guess I just realized that starving myself wasn't the answer. I was skinny enough. However, I still haven't managed to kick the habit completely. & honestly I still don't really want to. Over the summer I gained five pounds and now I just want to be 135 again. Sometimes I catch myself beating me up mentally if I eat lunch..but I'm definitely not as intense as I used to be. Growing up I was always the chubby, fat girl. It wasn't really people that criticized me but my family. I don't think they did it intentionally but it still hurt. I was ostracized by the people that were supposed to love and care for me and I guess that was bound to cause some psychological problems eventually...

I wasn't intending for this to be so serious I didn't mean to confess all that... just my childish way of eating but maybe if you went or are going through the same problems as I did it will help you to know that at least you're not alone. It seems that most girls these days go through some sort of an eating disorder. It's not right. I read something once that really made me rethink the world's idea of beauty it said something like, "It's considered grotesque and abusive if you see the bones of an animal but beautiful if you see the bones of a woman." In today's society you're not pretty unless you're a stick. It's sad but it pretty well hits the mark. I think it's about time for that to change. Beauty isn't measured by the size of your waist or the number on the scale but the smile on your face and the love in your heart. There is no such thing as ugly in the way of the face... EVERY girl is beautiful in their own way. You can however have an ugly attitude or spirit which is what's unattractive in a woman. & maybe it's a bit hypocritical for me to say all that because I'm still struggling with it myself... but for future generations- Don't ever let anyone tell you that you're fat or ugly because you're not a size 3. Beauty isn't in the waist but in the face. And I do strongly believe this- "Imperfections are beautiful"

Happy Belated New Year!!

Happy New Year!! Here's a flashback of 2013.

                                         I fed a giraffe and milked a cow on the same day!

                                            My band advanced to state in San Antonio

                                                     I dyed my hair for the first time

                         I had to take care of two electronic little devils, Andi and Oliver.

                                                          Then I dyed ma hair again
I also got my first job... and then lost it when it closed down a month later. Let's see umm oh yeah, I finally got my drivers license. That was pretty much life last year.

This year I will turn the dreaded 18... I want to go on a hot air balloon ride to "celebrate". I know most people are excited to be an adult and can't wait. In a way I am excited but I also realize that it means life will never be the same again. I am still only a junior so life really won't change for another year. However, I will never be a child again. I still have 5 months so I plan to take advantage of it. I'm in no hurry to grow up. That's all my expectations for this year. Oh and if I can convince my fatha, I will dye my hair blue during the summer! I hope your year will be filled with awesomeness.

Bubbles!

So if you haven't figured it out already, I'm a huge child on the inside... Maybe it's because I'm 17 and I know I only have six months until I'm officially considered an adult but I'm pretty much cramming all the childness I can in my life before I'm officially not a child anymore.
So this morning I went to Dollar General and purchased bubbles for me and my best friend. I like bubbles. So when I found out that bubbles freeze if it's below freezing I kind of freaked out. Since I live in Texas it doesn't get to 32 degrees very often. So I compromised and blew them in my freezer. However, today it was 28 degrees so I ran to DG (well actually I drove) and as you can tell I went bubble crazy... Yes I'm aware that I look like a total freak...

Thanksgiving.

Soo Thanksgiving was interesting. It was filled with Hide & Seek, wheel chair races, paintings, bunnies, marriage proposals, and drama drama drama

I also had to make a video for English class...

Dreamer

I am without a doubt a hardcore dreamer

I won’t smear the truth with sparkles

I sit each day in front of frosty white windows

Dreaming of adventures and happy endings

I want my world to be filled with

Indian Elephants and Siberian Tigers

I want my atmosphere to be crammed with

Hot air balloons and Monarch Butterflies

I want to marvel at anything and everything that breathes

I want to be exposed to the wind outside my own mind

I want to feel it rush down my spine; spreading chill bumps down my skin

I hunger for a life stocked with wonder

I thirst for knowledge past the realm of sanity

I yearn for adventures that exist only in fairytales

Maybe I’m a child siting in the circus

Unaware of the darkness that is wrapped around the earth

Life isn’t a spinning orb of laughter

An unrelenting fog drenches the sky

Monsters dwell in the darkness

Blowing black bubbles of sadness to my heart

They breathe doubts in my head

I’m not good enough

I’m a coward

I’m different

I plug my ears

I reach for the stars

But in the end

This cage keeps me from flying

The monsters reach for my heart

They pick at my scars and open new wounds

I shut my eyes and cling to the hope I have left

Refusing to give into reality

I repeat to myself over and over again

Someday, someday, someday

Someday I’ll find the key to my cage

Someday I’ll fly away

Helloo

Sunday Garb

Finished this yesterday

Hi!

 

So I haven't been on here in literally forever so I'll just give you a recap of the past 7 months of my life... here we go- urmm My sister graduated so I moved into her room, I turned 17, got my driver's license, got a job, then it closed down like a month later so I lost a job, dyed my hair blonde, got a bright orange record player (!!!), and made it to state in band (base drum)! and that's pretty much the extent of what's been happening. And as you can see I was the Tardis for Halloween yesterday...